ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS HAPPY

I told Donny, my Canadian friend from Alberta, Canada that he’s missing out on a lot by focusing on the erotic aspect of Thai massages and forgetting the many, many pleasures that a sincere Thai girl can offer. But Donny, an independent soul if there ever was one, said to me one morning over his daily Pizza Hut breakfast of a medium sausage pizza with a Coke chaser, “Look pal,” Donny said, “you can do whatever floats your boat but my morning ritual is not going to change. I want the quick and easy rub and tug lasting no more than a couple minutes-then I’m good for the day…until my afternoon massage.”

 Donny, became my mission in Pattaya. I was determined to show him the more beautiful aspects and the versatility of massages in Pattaya. “Donny, “ I offered, tomorrow afternoon you’re coming with me to my peek-a-boo massage shop dishing up an extensive menu of marvelous massages from the traditional Thai massage to the opulent hot stone massage. Reluctantly, Donny agreed.

 “How did you ever find this place?”, Donny questioned. The treat was on me so I selected a VIP Jacuzzi room, with a king-size massage table and allowed Donny to pick from a dozen or so of the most beautiful massage girls in Thailand. I could see he was having a hard choice. Who wouldn’t?

 “I want Da,” he said, and off they went to massage heaven. I selected Singaporn, my favorite massage girl. Donny and I went our separate ways for the next hour…at least, I thought it was only going to be one hour. Singaporn gave me her specialty…a half and half for the sixty minutes and we both retired to the lovely reception area expecting to see Donny and Da.

 Apparently, Donny and Da were enjoying themselves for Donny had extended his one-hour massage to two hours…so much for the couple minute rub and tug. Two hours later, Donny limped into the reception area for the traditional cup of after-massage, hot tea with the widest smile, the biggest grin of satisfaction.

 “Thank you pal,” Donny said, “that was the most pleasurable two hours of my life. We were in complete privacy with a Jacuzzi large enough for two, even the massage bed was big enough for both of us plus my exquisite Da showered with me, and dried me with plush towels.”

 To myself I thought-mission accomplished. Not only was Donny exposed to the more scintillating massage moments but, based on the smile stretched across Donny’s face, I believe he got everything he wished for and more.

KHUN MAX…”I WILL WAIT FOR YOU FOREVER.

Pattaya massage girls are a whole different breed altogether. They may be beautiful, charming, sexy, alluring, and sensuaL but they are not necessarily go-go girls who’s objective is to find and bed as many foreign men as possible in the briefest time possible.

Pattaya massage girls may be very pretty, easy to talk with and downright amazing but they are not beer bar girls who wish to sell you as many beers as they can in the shortest time possible, attempt to get you to buy them a passel of “lady drinks” and then when the beer bar girls sense that you’re down to your last few bucks offer to visit with you back at your room for some extra bar-fine dough.

Pattaya massage girls may be part-time workers who supplement their income as a retail clerk, nurse, schoolteacher, disco diva or any of the fifty thousand and one low-income jobs throughout Pattaya. The important message is that no single, brush-stroke characteristic can define a Pattaya massage girl.

Take Koy, a very pleasing and popular 24-year-old massage girl from the Northern Region of Isaan, who earns about $2000 monthly-an enormous sum for massage girl or any Pattaya worker for that matter. Yet, Koy, who says that she’s had hundreds of sexual play-for-pay offers and hundreds of marriage proposals in the few years she’s worked massage, she steadfastly refuses to sexually satisfy any customer for any amount of money. She relies on her professionalism and her charm to win over all customers-keeping them coming back for more time and time again.

Lets look at Aoy, a former Walking Street Go-Go girl who retired from the nude shows, the frequent bar-fines where unknown men take her back to a short-time rental room or their apartment for an active but almost always unsatisfying encounter. Aoy gave up the big-time earnings for a quiet lifestyle working in a local massage parlor-alone most evenings but quiet none the less.

As in any profession, there are those who follow the rules and some who rule their own roost by accepting most any offer for most any low, low price as long as they don’t leave the massage premises. Personal opinions from dozens of massage customers say that this group of independent massage girls are the majority. That is, they’ll provide you with all the versatility you wish for a modest tip.

Of course, if you’re like the thousands and thousands of foreign men who visit a Pattaya massage shop and fall in love with the girl of your choice, you’ll likely find some kind and compassionate young lady with love in her heart who’ll give full time devotion to you. Maybe not exactly an Angelina Jolie but someone who has learned that love can turn to hate – on a dime.


THIS “FARANG” WILL NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN

“I will never get married again.” You’ve heard that before, in fact, one expects to overhear the “never” word at least a dozen times a day in Pattaya. The “never” word is the calling card for displaced divorced men, broke and disheartened. These farangs (Western men) from all over the world consider themselves bullet proof – non-responders to the will of a determined Thai lady.

If I earned a dollar for every time I heard the “never” word, I might be a rich man…a millionaire. Who can blame these men, married once, twice, three times in their home country and now playing the field with the notorious Pattaya girls…especially the favored massage girls of Pattaya.

Pattaya’s Go-Go girls are world-famous. These girls are considered, as a whole, among the most beautiful women in the world. And rightfully so, since I’ve seen these girls for myself.

Among he thousands and thousands of beer bar girls are additional thousands of lovely, charming, erotic, experienced Thai ladies also considered beautiful by any world standard but in Pattaya they’re labeled old-ladies…over the age of thirty.

Amazingly, hidden away from most horny, probing eyes of visiting Western men are young, attractive, talented, and gorgeous girls who prefer a more sedate lifestyle away from the hustle of outrageous public behavior. Many young ladies from all areas of Thailand who still must earn a living and help their families who struggle to make ends meet enjoy a leisurely paced work environment as a massage girl of Pattaya.

Mae, one such twenty-year-old beauty from Udon Thani, studied well and passed her high school exams to find that there were limited opportunities in her hometown. Mae, as hundreds of thousands of other Thai girls have done and are still doing, took a spot as lowly paid laundry helper at the Hard Rock Hotel in Pattaya. It wasn’t much but it was better than nothing.

Whatever her occupation, even as a laundry helper in a large hotel, Mae was bombarded with pay-for-play offers by hotel guests, passers-by on the street, bus patrons on her way to and from work, everywhere Mae went the men were sure to follow. Mae didn’t think of herself as a beauty but scores of men swore that she was a twin to the world famous pop singer, Beyonce.

YOUR THAI MASSEUSE ASKS, “YOU LIKE SOFT OR HARD?”

What she’s referring too, of course, is pressure; the amount of hand pressure you prefer her to use during the massage. Some, enjoy, the soft, gentle, glide of a woman’s hand to soothe and comfort their body while others insist on massive pressure to unlock their tired muscles. Surely, there is every imaginable point of pressure in-between.

Steve F., a young Irish lad from Dublin,Ireland on his first trip to Pattaya, was dumbstruck when his Thai lady asked him the “hard of soft” question. Steve, who, within minutes, of feeling the touch of his Thai girl’s touch on his shoulders was already sensing his preference for something hard and screamed “Hard, like hard.”

Obviously, our Irish laddie had one thing in mind and his Thai masseuse interpreted his demand for a kick-ass, rough and tumble, smack down, leaving Steve thoroughly exhausted and feeling beat into an Irish pancake.

Believing that this rub snd scrub was the introduction to the Thai massage he always heard and dreamed about, Steve allowed his beat down to continue the entire hour. Not only was Steve pummeled but his Thai masseuse nearly fell to the floor exhausted.

One look at Steve, as he hobbled to the cashier of the little massage shop on Soi 4, the Thai manager insisted that Steve follow her to the Pattaya International Hospital just down the street, to, at least, allow a physician to provide some medical assistance to help in the healing process. Last heard, Steve is still dropping into various Pattaya massage joints searching for the ideal in-between of hard vs. soft.

SHE’S 24-I’M 74…A PERFECT MATCH!

Tommy said to me, “I can’t take it anymore. I love her will all my heart but she makes me crazy. She brings out the worst in me.” Is there any one of us who haven’t said or thought this ourselves? The Mars-Venus relationship is difficult enough but when you match up a seventy-four year  old Irish lad with a twenty-four year old Thai lady; you can expect a problem or two.

What with an age difference of nearly four decades, a cultural difference that spans continents, a religious difference-albeit that Tommy appreciates Buddhism, an educational difference-Tommy is a retired law professor from the Trinity College Dublin School of Law and Bee his live-in girlfriend opted to leave school at age fourteen to help her younger brothers and sisters around the house while her mama and papa worked. With not much in common, what does one expect from such a relationship except with all the differences between them, each adored the other.

“Bee strangles me. She doesn’t give me any rope.” Tommy continued, “She accuses me of being with other girls when all I’m doing is having a few drafts with my pals.” Tommy raises his hands in despair, “I’ve had enough.  I’m calling it quits. Bee can have the house in Ocean Lane Villas, my car and everything-all I want is some peace.”

I’ve heard this before; not just from Tommy but scores of friends from all over the world come to Thailand, seeking a beautiful compliant Thai lady only to discover that there’s more to a happy marriage or satisfying relationship than the wish to be happy.

I told Tommy, “Don’t do anything harsh ‘til I catch up with you.” And I zipped over to Witherspoon’s Bar where Tommy was drowning himself in his fifth draft.” I scooped Tommy to the back of my motorbike and dropped him off at My Girl Massage, the secret hide-a-way of those Pattaya ex-pats in the know. I asked Aoy, one of the most popular massage girls in Pattaya, to give Tommy the massage of a lifetime. Then, call me when Tommy is sober and ready for a pick-up.

“Thanks pal,” Tommy said to me, the next day. “For two hours I forgot my troubles, I relaxed, thought clearly, and enjoyed Aoy’s massage more than you know.” Tommy didn’t need to thank me. I knew before hand that Aoy, accustomed to drifting husbands, would fully satisfy Tommy.

Tommy and Bee are still married-happily married and unbelievably are expecting their first child…all because Tommy knows where to go and who to see to comfort him during his most stressful moments. Just one hurdle remains. Bee wants to name their baby, Mickey Mouse, her favorite cartoon character and Tommy is encouraging her to drop the Mouse.

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